Cripple Mr Onion

The modifiers have usually been created for one of two reasons, either to make the game a little more interesting and a little more uncertain, or to decrease the chances of winning with a specific hand. It is not necessary to use any of them, apart from numbers zero, which gives the game its name, and one, which makes many-card onions and then Onions more probable. In a game, say, between four hardened professionals, even the Null Eights Rules would probably not be used. The employment of the modifiers, therefore, is left to the discretion of the players, but some possibilities for using the modifiers beyond number zero are as follows:

• just modifier #1;
• modifiers numbers 1 to 3;
• bring in the modifiers as the game progresses, one in every or every other round;
• let the Dealer, for each round, declare which modifiers are in force in that round;
• play all the modifiers from the beginning.

A number of the modifiers use specific cards from the eight-suit Fat Pack to represent mythological and not-so mythological Discworld characters. If, on the other hand, two decks of cards with the same four suits are used, confusion may arise as to which of the two, say, Queen of Spades is to to represent the Lady. One solution, if not particularly satisfactory, is to mark one of the two cards with a symbol, in this case, for example, the letter L, on the face side so that the marked card becomes the relevant one for the modifier and the other becomes an ordinary card.

Please note that the Cripple Mr Onion pages are being revised to use The Fat Pack and some of the graphics on this page still need to be updated to show the new suits.

The modifiers are all, some to a greater extent than others, based on Discworld life, mythology and beliefs and have been assumed to have evolved, with the game, over many centuries; none of the modifiers are arbitrary in their action or purpose, but a detailed knowledge of the Discworld is not necessary to use them. Finally, the ordering of the modifiers in the list below is, apart from the Crippling Rules in position zero, largely accidental and is not a guide to their usefulness or effectiveness.

Modifier #0: Crippling Rules

1. A nine-card running flush may be used to cripple a Great Onion and win the game.
2. A ten-card running flush out-cripples a nine-card running flush in crippling a Great Onion and may also cripple a Lesser Onion.

(Once a Great Onion or Lesser Onion have been crippled, the usual process of Showdown stops, and the player with the crippling hand wins immediately.)

Modifier #1: Null Eights Rules

1. During a round in which eights are not wild (see 2), an eight may be used as if it had value zero in order to trump up an onion. In the event of a tie between two onions with equal numbers of cards, the onion with the fewer null eights wins.
2. In the round following a round in which a null eight has been played, eights are wild, acting as any regular card. The wild Royal, three wild eights, may then be played. In the next round, eights return to their original role.

(To “trump up an onion” means to make a four-card onion into a five-card onion by the addition of one null eight, or to make a three-card onion into a seven-card onion with four. Note, again, that there are no onions beyond seven-card and that wild eights cannot be used as either null eights or as any of the special cards giving rise to later modifiers.)

Modifier #2: Wild Crippling Rule

In a round in which eights are wild, to successfully cripple the relevant Onion, the running flush must have at most the same number of wild cards as the Onion being crippled.

Modifier #3: Octavo Rule

When eights are wild, the card group consisting of eight eights can be considered as a Lesser Onion. It beats other Lesser Onions and may not be crippled like a Lesser Onion of any other composition, but it may be crippled like a Great Onion.

Modifier #4: The Lady’s Rules

If eights are not wild, the Queen of Spades may be declared, before or during Showdown, and replaced by the player’s choice of one of the next two cards from the deck, the chosen card taKing up the place of the Queen; the other card goes to the discard pot. This move may not be rescinded. When eights are wild, the Queen of Spades may be declared in order to devalue one ace, for every other player, that would otherwise be played as having value eleven, to value one only. (Each player gets to choose which ace in particular is devalued.) This does not affect any aces in a Great Onion, but may affect cards, in any grouping, which, by being wild or by other means, would otherwise be played with value eleven.

(To “declare” means to put the card on the table face up and point it out to the other players. In part one, of course, the Queen may no longer be used in forming card groupings since a replacement card has been received, but should be left near the player on the table, rather than in the discard pot.)

Modifier #5: Fate’s Rules

If the Queen of Spades has been declared and replaced, the King of Doves may also be declared and replaced in a like manner, in the process maKing all aces held by the player who used the Queen of Spades have value zero. If eights are wild, the King of Doves may be declared so that eights immediately cease to be wild; a different player who has the Queen of Spades, whether visible, played or not, may then make his own eights wild again. The King of Doves may not be revoked once declared, and a single player may not use the King of Doves and then the Queen of Spades in this way.

(“Zeroed” cards are of no use in the game, and cannot be used like null eights to trump up an onion.)

Modifier #6: Great A’Tuin’s Rule

Declaring the Queen of Roses allows the player to reduce the value of one of the player’s cards by eight points and to increase the value of a different card by eight points. The two affected cards must still have value between one and eleven inclusive.

(A two that is shifted up to value ten may be considered a picture card, a three shifted up to eleven as an ace of value eleven.)

Modifier #7: The Elephants’ Rule

Any four cards, each being either a nine or a ten, or an eight when eights are wild, that are declared with the Queen of Roses in one player’s hand, allow that player to shift as many points as are needed to generate a Double Onion. This Double Onion may be beaten by any other Double Onion. Any nines or tens in the player’s hand that are not involved in the shift may be considered as ones, not aces, and twos respectively.

(Since the five cards involved here have only been declared, and not exchanged as well, they are, of course, still playable as cards in groups. Remember that a ten may not take the role of a picture card in an Onion — a shifted nine, eight etc. is needed. With two nines, two tens and the Queen of Roses, a possible shift is: add one each to the nines and tens — hence the Double Onion — and take four from the Queen of Roses to be a six.)

Modifier #8: The Sender of Eight’s Rules

When eights are not wild, a visible Jack of Diamonds makes any aces belonging to a player who uses any eights become zeroed (see #5i). When eights are wild, a visible Jack of Diamonds zeroes all aces and disallows eights from taKing on value one or eleven.

Modifier #9: Death’s Rules

When eights are not wild, a visible King of Axes makes one picture card in every player’s hand that has two or more picture cards have no part in forming a Double Onion. When eights are wild, a visible King of Axes makes one picture card in every player’s hand that has two or more picture cards have no part in forming either a Double Onion or a Triple Onion.

(The “killed” picture card can still take part in groups other than the specified Onions.)

Modifier #10: The Archchancellor’s Rules

Any player who plays the Jack of Tridents may not also play an eight as having value eight. If the Jack of Tridents is declared at any time during the game, the King of Axes can also be declared if held by another player; if the King of Axes is declared, then all the other players must now declare one previously undisclosed card each. If the King of Axes is not immediately declared by another player, the the Jack of Tridents becomes wild for the rest of the round.

Modifier #11: The Fool’s Rule

If, at any time before Showdown, the Jack of Clubs is declared, then, for for the rest of the round, bagels change places with Onions in the order of winning card groupings.

(That is: the two-card onion and the single bagel change places; the Double, Triple and Lesser Onions are exchanged with the double, triple and lesser bagels respectively; the great bagel becomes only beaten by, but may also be crippled like, the Great Onion which remains at the top of the list. This makes bagels worth something, other than a tie-breaker. The Jack of Clubs, of course, can still take part in bagels, and any other card grouping.)